The Old Joel on Software Forum: Part 4 (of 5) - Based on a true story: Control See, Control We

Based on a true story: Control See, Control We

Wanna hear a story? Fake names, real story.

Cast
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Drinks Unlimited, DU for short, the client (Indian company)
Fright Brothers, the vendor (Indian company)
Muir, the client (DU) representative in-charge of IT projects. Let's call him Miki for short supposing it was his petname
Victor, Vic for short, a Project Lead at Fright Brothers
Samuel, Sammy for short, a Project Manager at Fright Brothers
Saturnino, Sat for short, a Senior Project Lead at Fright Brothers, a rank below the Project Manager, an extremely confusing incumbent
Vincent, the Vice President, Fright Brothers

One sunny day, in the month of June, when the year was 2003, the two companies signed a pact. Wine was unbottled and sweet meats were devoured. Drinks Unlimited (DU) called upon Fright Brothers (FB) to study their Inventory management (subject changed to further covet the real characters) and deliver an automated solution.

The young Miki, who was a newly appointed incharge of IT projects at DU had just won a series of bike race tournaments in the country at the national level. He applied his agile sensibilities to all that he did, and never liked lazy people. FB, out to establish a conspicious unanimity of ideologies with the young, ambitious client, signed in for the deal to be completed in, O yea can you believe, 1 month. If I were to be more precise, the project was to take a bare 25 calender days. History, the world thought, was going to be created here, within these very corridoors. Miki was so happy. He slumbered many a nights of bliss, smiling in his dreams. Victor, a vintage product of Fright Brothers was handed over charge. Vic was the one, if I must apprise you, to jump for the lucky figure 25. He was so confident as you should have already begun imagining. And his confidence was not just gross and worldly, I guess it was divine. His valour emenated from some spiritual energy he radiated for it had no logical basis of reason. He believed he could do the project in 25 straight days even though he knew that he knew not how to code. That he knew he knew not, I am guessing. I would never know. Vic had survived in the mill for four years now, without writing more than four lines of code during then. What a brave man he was. He could sit in front of the IDE with loads of historical code legacy and erase pure white spaces and straightly drawn new lines that he had created just seconds ago. He could do this with such dexterity that you'd believe he was *actually* typing so much code in seconds. People just heard the rythm in his fingers and fainted in adulation. Only some did get the previlige to see him drawing and erasing the spaces as white as milk.

Vic stuck bums with him chum, Samuel, whom he so often addressed as Sammy. Sammy, the Project Manager had shared his tenure with Vic at the company. They were so known to each other, and shared their talents alike. But then Sammy was senior, so he was even greater and you'd have guessed, more talented. He possessed talents you'd never dare to dream of. He could write pages after pages without using the alphanumeric keys on the keyboard. He most often used the "Control See, Control We" methodology of drafting proposals.

June passed, so did July. When August came, Vic had added a myriad of newlines. September was spent erasing them. The God of creation and destruction had blessed Vic with indescribable virility. He went on, while Miki waited, cutting razor sharp new lines and immediately obliterating them with his knife like sharp backspace assaults.
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I am tired just now. I've got asses to save. Will continue in sometime may be.

Sathyaish Chakravarthy
Tuesday, March 2, 2004

Does anybody remember those auto-generated AI messages that used to float around usenet?

Dan Brown
Tuesday, March 2, 2004

Are you working for a company in India? If so, it's good to see you spending your time on a pointless, rambling story rather than trying to steal my job.

Keep up the good work!

Raul"The Sabre" Gonzalez
Tuesday, March 2, 2004

>sweet meats were devoured

Guess this is what one writes after devoring "sweet meats" whatever the heck that is.

Do they pay you by word count of your posting? Make sense my man...not nonsense

Code Monkey
Tuesday, March 2, 2004

Vic stuck bums with him chum...

Is this a homosexual reference? Or does it have something to do with tobacco?

pdq
Tuesday, March 2, 2004

>Keep up the good work!

O thanks [blush]! You bet I will.

>sweet meats

That should've been sweetmeats. A confection common in India, characterized by ingredients such as milk-cream, sugar and dry fruits.

>Vic stuck bums with him chum...

That was a rather liberal dissociation of the compound nouns in bum-chum. They were pally with each other. Old time pals.