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Best email/newsgroup sig ever

Back in the good old days, before the lawyers came in with their disclaimers and legalese, people had cool email and newsgroup sigs.

Mine used to be

He who has an opinion of his own, but depends on the opinions and tastes of others, is a slave.
-- Klopstock

Someone just sent me an email with a really funny sig.

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get shitty ideas from.

Anyone out there still uses funny sigs?? Any favourites

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Pass gas, not judgement

Eric DeBois
Thursday, February 5, 2004

" You live at your own risk"
  -- Astrobe

Thursday, February 5, 2004


" Live at your own risk"
"The Truth is a horizon"

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Email is where knowledge goes to die.

enlightened one
Thursday, February 5, 2004

I used to use: Freedom  is the right to say "I Won't"

- which idea I took from a short story by Eric Frank Russell called "And Then There Were None" which is (legitimately) available on the Web at:

Here's a few more:

Worry is a circle of inefficient thought pivotting on a base of fear

Lego bricks need you - join us today

"Never argue with an idiot, they only drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience"

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Give a man religion and he'll starve to death whilst praying for a fish.

And finally, the old classic:

Smoke Crack.  Worship Satan.  Admin Unix.

David B. Wildgoose
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Davis - If memory serves shouldn't that be "myob"?

I'll stick with my slashdot one:

Boring Old Fart (37, married, 3 kids...)

a cynic writes...
Thursday, February 5, 2004

David (not Davis) - sorry.  Teach me to be smug on the two handed typing thread.

a cynic writes...
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Men are apt to mistake the strength of their feeling for the strength of
their argument. The heated mind resents the chill touch and relentless
scrutiny of logic.

  ~William E Gladstone~

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to
make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
    - C. A. R. Hoare

and one of my favorites:

Nothing in the world can take place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
- Calvin Coolidge
Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction."
        -E. F. Schumacher

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"At the screech of the eagle, I declare, the common folk immediately tremble, the senate huddles together, the nobles become servile, judges become obsequious, theologians are silent, lawyers assent, laws give way, and established custom yields: nothing can stand against it, not right, not duty, not justice, not humanity." Erasmus

Something to ponder on these days.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

The Roman's had lead plumbing, we have Windows(TM).

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he'll spend every Saturday for the res of his life in a boat drinking beer.

Tom H
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Damn, I wish I were persistent.

name withheld out of cowardice
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Fast, Cheap or Good -- Pick any two

Thursday, February 5, 2004

What does 'Done' look like?

Thursday, February 5, 2004

One /. sig said:

"Click this link to read about the NT4 server that has been running continuously for the past year-and-a-half!"

Curious as always, I clicked the link and was taken to a web page with a dancing server graphic accompanied to a chorus singing:


Of course my sound was on,  I was at work, everybody looked, I scrambed for the volume control.  But it was a cute joke.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

I have begun on a work which is without precedent, whose accomplishment will have no imitator.  I propose to set before my fellow-mortals a man  in all the touch of nature; and this man shall be myself.  I have studied mankind an know my heart; I am not made like any one I have been acquainted with, perhaps like no on in existence; if not better, I at least claim originality, and whether Nature has acted rightly or wrongly in destroying the mold in which she cast me, can only be decided after I have been read.

Jean Jacques Rousseau

Thursday, February 5, 2004

  "There is no loftier mission than to approach the Godhead nearer than other people, and to disseminate the divine rays among humanity." - Beethoven
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Give a man a compilation tape, and he will dance for a night.
Teach a man to scratch, and he'll dance for generations!

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Version: PGP 8.0.3 - not licensed for commercial use:

Thursday, February 5, 2004

I spent my life saving for a rainy day, and when I got one, it was dull and grey. I want my money back!
-- Anon

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that understand binary and those that don't."

Thursday, February 5, 2004

-REAL programmers use "copy con program.exe"

John Rose
Thursday, February 5, 2004

a cynic writes: shouldn't that be "myob"?

That's the story.  The plaque saying "F.- I.W." is what I was specifically referring to.

(from another Boring Old Fart, 38 rather than 37, married, 3 kids).

David B. Wildgoose
Thursday, February 5, 2004

The best thing about programming standards is that there are so many to choose from!

Argue with fools and they will bring you down to their level, and beat you with experience.

If all you have is a hammer, everything will look like a nail.

People always miss oppurtunity, because opputunity comes disguised as work.

"What is the difference between God and Larry Ellison?"
"God does not think that he is Larry Ellison."

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. - Ford Prefect

(the typeo's are not mine)
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Only Robinson Crusoe got everything done by Friday.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most manage to pick themselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened.
                          -- Winston Churchill

Honour the tree which gives you shade.

On a lighter note:
Very funny Scottie! Now beam up my clothes.
Out of my mind... back in five minutes.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Always enough time to do it over, but there is never enough time to do it right."

"The quieter you become, the more you can hear."
-Baba Ram Dass

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup." 
-bumper sticker

“We should give a little more, and ask a little less.”
-Fr. Diego Lorenzi

"Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right; when wrong, to be put right."
-Carl Schurz

"Honk if you don't exist"
-bumper sticker

Rob H
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Never play cards with a man named 'Doc'. Never eat at any place called 'Mom's'. And never, ever, no matter what else you do in your whole life, never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
-- Nelson Algreen

One should try everything once, except inscest and folk-dancing.
--Arnold Bax

The great secret in life... (is) not to open  your letters for a fortnight. At the expiration of that period, you will find that nearly all of them have answered themselves.
-- Arthur Binstead

All writing is garbage. People who come out of nowhere to try and put into words any part of what goes on in their minds are pigs.
-- Antonin Artaud

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Class: when they're running you out of town, to look like you're leading the parade.
-- Bill Battie

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. "
    - Arnold Bennett 


"Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives."
              - Maurice Chevalier

Thursday, February 5, 2004

I'm not dead. I'm electroencephalographically challenged.

Andrew Lighten
Thursday, February 5, 2004

When I was young, and signifigantly more arrogant, mine said this:

Tim Sullivan, Reality Engineer
I think, therefore you are.
Disclaimer: If you thought you were offended by the contents of this message, think again.

Tim Sullivan
Thursday, February 5, 2004

One I've seen actually used as a .sig:

  If the world were merely seductive. that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day. - E.B. White

And a couple of variations on a theme:

  Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

  If knowing is half the battle, and knowledge is power, and power corrupts, is being corrupt half the battle? -- Chuck McKenzie

Thursday, February 5, 2004

At one time I had a file of .sigs from USENET.  It got lost in some move.  Here are a few as best I remember:

"Proud member of MADD: Mathemeticians Against Drunk Deriving"

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate"

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed are entirely my own.
Meta-disclaimer: Any country the needs disclaimers has too many lawyers.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
  -- George Carlin

The only good morning is a dead one
  -- Richard Stallman       

The theoretician's prayer: "Dear Lord, forgive me the sin of
arrogance, and Lord, by arrogance I mean the following..."
  -- Leon Lederman

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
  -- Robert Benchley

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
  -- Woody Allen  [how true!]

Thursday, February 5, 2004

I can't remember where I saw these but I like them.

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

There are two things that are infinite, stupidity and space, although I'm not too sure of the latter. -- Einstein (I may not have quoted it exactly though.)

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Proud member of DAMN: Nude Mothers Against Dyslexia

Almost Anonymous
Thursday, February 5, 2004

2 + 2 = 5
for very large values of 2

Thursday, February 5, 2004

You're too stupid to be offended by this

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Do your mom a favor, go drown yourself in the pool"

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Don't be so humble, you're not that great". - Golda Meir
Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Off topic posters - the litterbugs of the information superhighway."

Thursday, February 5, 2004

- I am Homer of Borg, prepare to be assimi... ohh donuts!

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

That's my favorite quote.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

"Let us settle ourselves, and work and wedge our feet downward through the mud and slush of opinion, and prejudice, and tradition, and delusion, and appearance, ... , till we come to a hard bottom and rocks in place, which we can call reality, and say, This is, and no mistake; and then begin."


Mark Pearce
Thursday, February 5, 2004

So nice that I put it in the front of my recent book:

Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened

Author of "Comprehensive VB .NET Debugging"

Mark Pearce
Thursday, February 5, 2004

"There are sacraments of evil as well as of good about us, and we live and move in an unknown world, a place where there are shadows and dwellers in twilight."

(Arthur Machen)


Mark Pearce
Thursday, February 5, 2004

The version of Einstein's remark I have in my personal quotes file goes: "Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Here are a few more.

Never criticize anybody until you have walked a mile in their shoes, because by that time you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. But the house falls down. -- Andrew Simko

Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Alan Perlis

When C++ is your hammer, everything looks like a thumb. -- Steven Haflich

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -- Aristotle

Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated. -- M C Reed

A young idea is a beautiful and fragile thing. Don't attack ideas. Attack their holders. -- Someone calling himself or herself "swillden" on Slashdot

To attain knowledge, add things every day; to attain wisdom, remove things every day. -- Lao-Tse

He who refuses to do arithmetic is doomed to talk nonsense. -- John McCarthy

Haiku in a sig / is extremely pretentious. / So I don't have any. -- Mark Goodge

The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony number 9. -- Erwin Dieterich

Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that.

Gareth McCaughan
Thursday, February 5, 2004

My personal favorite:

But the trouble with analogies is that analogies are like goldfish: sometimes they have nothing to do with the topic at hand.  -- Crispin (from a posting to the Bugtraq mailing list)

A couple of others (some from other threads like this from this board):

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." -- Stephen Roberts

"[O]ne of the prerogatives of American citizenship is the right to criticize public men and measures -- and that means not only informed and responsible criticism but the freedom to speak foolishly and without moderation" -- Justice Frankfurter, Baumgartner v. U.S., 322 U.S. 655, 673-674 (1944)

"His stated reason for never learning to fly: 'I don't want to do something where the opposite of perfection is death.' Being root on Unix is sort of like that." -- Philip Greenspun

"When the customer demands the impossible, they will end up buying from the guy who offers them the impossible. And the results, though tragic, are sadly predictable." (Robert A. Heinlien)

"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -Kristian Wilson, Nintendo Inc., 1989.

Steve C.
Thursday, February 5, 2004

Reality is that which remains after you have stopped believing in it - Phillip K Dick

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Wish I could remember the exact wording, but it was something like this that made my day a long time ago:

"Vikings, what Vikings? We're no Vikings. The village was already burning, and the people must have slain themselves. And there was nothing valuable anywhere to begin with. Anyways that's our story and we're sticking to it!"

Antti Kurenniemi
Friday, February 6, 2004

Education: - the casting of false pearls before real swine.

Stephen Jones
Friday, February 6, 2004

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