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Thinking about old flames.

Every day, i lose an hours (sometimes two) worth of work thinking about an old flame who disappered down the labryniths of London. A lovely girl who was my industrial Statistics insturctor. I mean, i was not after her and hardly met her. But i used to roam the halls looking for her and when i met her and she smiled, it used to keep me going for a few days. I mailed her happy birthday last december and she did not respond though we used to mail each other (not about love or anything though).  I mean, i guess she has 1000 guys better than some losing bastard like me.

I know this is stupid. But there was this thread about sex. This is strictly not about sex. But are there any folks who miss girls they worship and lose a few hours of work every day?. I mean the kind of girls you dont even dare going after, but simply keep on a pedestal and worship them forever. I think thinking about sex is far LESS painful than this. I mean, you dont worship folks you fantasize having sex with.

Anon
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

I thought this thread would be about old flame wars as in old trolls! Imagine my suprise.

Matthew Lock
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

once i had a schizophrenic girlfriend, i miss her so much even after 2 years.


Wednesday, June 02, 2004

IANAL, but I'm pretty sure that stalking is illegal.

Ged Byrne
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Man,

You people have no imagination...

OP, you cannot have fallen in love and not remember.  Its just what it is.  Losing a few hours a day, well that's a bit too much.  You need to take that energy and do something more productive with it. 

Nevertheless, she haunts you.  To a degree, that's OK. I'm haunted by ghosts - they'll never leave me, and I'd be worse off if they did (some people are going to take this literally, joy).  Take a coffee break and mingle - or something - to break up your lost time.  Write some poems - something interesting might pop out.

once upon a time
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

It's not stalking if you have a camera -- that makes it papparazzi.

one meeeellion dollars!
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

  Anon, I know what you mean.  There's this girl that works in the same floor than I, although in another company, that I've put in such a pedestal.

  Actually I've already asked her out, one year ago, but she said to me she was already beggining a relationship with someone else.

  But even today, sometimes I meet her on the hall, and she smiles, and I can't think of anything else for the rest of the day.

  And it's true, you don't worship who you fantasize having sex with.  I fantasize having sex with other girls, but not with her.

  I thought I was the only wacko to do that, but I'm glad I'm not. :-)

Ricardo Antunes da Costa
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

"I thought I was the only wacko to do that, but I'm glad I'm not"

At least we have a consensus that you both are wackos.

Not a wacko
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Anon: If she has noticed your timid but obsessive interest, then yes, she is repelled and disgusted.  She will not sleep with you in a million years.  The good news is, who cares?  Your idolized girl is a human being, and when she craps, she stinks up the toilet.  And there are gazillions more equally great and attractive women out there.  Meet them.

http://john-ross.net/abby.htm

Fire up!
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Watch this and it will make more sense:
Chasing Amy
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118842/

Smith
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Anon, your best course of action is to get a girlfriend.  Having a tangible love interest will get rid of your longing for the intangible.

yet another anon
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Move on, move on, move on. get a life, move on........

De Napolli Ponty
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Another film to consider: Swingers.

I think it's probably redundant to point out that losing a couple of hours a day thinking about someone you passed in a hallway is unhealthy. You should probably go and talk to a professional about this.

Putting women on pedestals is a way of creating an excuse not to chase them. If you were to find out that they don't want you, by default she falls off the pedestal; if they do want you, they are guaranteed to fall off the pedestal (she'll have flaws -- everyone does). If you believe that only flawed women will like you, then you need to work on your self-image.

When I broke up with my previous girlfriend, I would spend quite a bit of time thinking of her and feeling sorry for myself. This lasted about 6 months. Then things got easier, I got a new job, and started to regain my self-respect. Once I'd become happy being myself and confident again, I found that I started to meet women without trying too hard.

Here are some suggestions:
+ Make yourself feel better: clean your house, start eating better, take regular exercise that you enjoy (try a martial art with mixed classes)
+ Go and talk things over with a professional; I did about 5 sessions, and it did help.
+ If you don't like your job, find one that will make you happy.
+ Give yourself some time; don't feel bad that you are single.
+ Let your friends know you are on the lookout -- especially any female friends who can arrange blind dates.
+ When you go on dates, consider them practice for the real thing (rather than the "be all and end all"), tell yourself that it doesn't matter, be yourself (MOST important), and have fun.

Good luck.

-
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Please don't feed the energy beast.

Michael Eisenberg
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Ok. 1-2 hours are probably exagerrated. Maybe i think for say 20-30 mins. i mean noot continoously, but bursts.

Anon
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

"I mean, i guess she has 1000 guys better than ..."

These types of statement makes me believe that mankind is on the verge of total degeneration. What kind of crappy attitude is that?

Dude, you have already got a lifetime membership at Losers Inc. because of that attitude of yours.

Congrats mate!

Jason
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

No one is worthy of worship.  We all stink up the toilet when we take a shit, we all get angry and say (or do) things we don't really mean, we all have a dark side (although many of us suppress and deny it).

Your "pedestal girl" might enjoy pickpocketing.  Maybe she gets a kick out of flirting with losers she'd never in a million years date -- just to torture them.  Perhaps she picks her nose.  And eats it.

You're indulging in escapism.  There's nothing inherently wrong with that, we all do it to one extent or another.  And the nice thing about fantasies is they are perfect.  Nothing ever has to go wrong in a fantasy.  No embarrassing moments, no angry words, no hurt feelings, no awkward silences.  If you want, you can be perfectly happy living in your perfect fantasy for the rest of your life.

Thing is... you can hide from reality, but you can't escape it.  So, you might as well deal with it.  Sometimes it's ugly, occasionally it's brutal.  It's also lovely, wonderful and vibrant.

Should be working
Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Every autumn the chill in the air and the gradual bareness of the trees evokes memories of a passionate flame early in my career.

She was beautiful and smart. Job moves took us apart and then it just gentled away. We stayed good friends but that was all.

Every autumn.


Wednesday, June 02, 2004

This is probably the most delete-worthy thread of all times.

RP
Saturday, June 05, 2004

Google is the greatest tool ever invented for digging-up old girlfriends.

I now know what happened to the girl I dated when I was a freshman in college, back in 1984.  She's now the head of her own consulting company.  Actually, I shudder to think of the advice she gives her clients.  Oh, she was a nice girl -- I'm not saying _that_ -- but she wasn't exactly the sharpest bulb in the, er, bulb box.  Or something.

J. D. Trollinger
Monday, June 07, 2004

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