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I just found out my boss does not think much of my programming ability. Maybe he was just mad and wanted to hurt my feelings. I had made a mistake which was really not a big deal, especially since I am extremely careful and seldom make mistakes. (And my boss made a much dumber mistake himself the next day.)
In his state of anger and exasperation (not at all deserved, in my opinion) he accused me of not having a deep understanding, of being overly careful, and not getting projects done fast enough.
Plain English translation: he thinks I am dumb. I told him this was a big shock since so much of my work has been good, I learn very easily, all my evaluations have been good, etc. It was quite overwhelming to me because I have years of experience, am a highly educated and studious person. However, I am female and have habit of not wanting people to think I think I am smart, so I don't seem nearly as intelligent as I am. And I guess you could say I am a little socially phobic and intimidated by authority. My mind goes blank when my boss is glaring at me.
Anyway, I asked my boss if he would rather replace me with someone he considers more qualified. He said of course he would always want to replace everyone with someone better, but that is not the way they do things here.
So I wound up feeling he thinks he's doing me a favor by letting me stay. Sort of like charity for morons.
My boss was promoted recently and is spread too thin and doesn't even know what I'm doing most of the time. I hope this was just a stress attack. Even when things are going well, he is a stressed out angry maniac most of the time.
I don't know if I should leave as soon as I can find another job. I told him it's just the way I act, and I will try to change. I wish I had a way to prove that I am really not dumb. Don't say I can prove it by doing better work. He is out of touch with what I do and how long it should take.

Mauron
Saturday, May 15, 2004

Bored? or Stupid?


Saturday, May 15, 2004

>However, I am female and have habit of not wanting people to think I think I am smart, so I don't seem nearly as intelligent as I am.

Do I need to comment on this? Your pretending to be 'dumb' really shows that you are (well in some definite ways). I am not sure where you got it into your pretty little head girls need to act dumb to work well with guys. I will admit as a girl we need to act 'differently' (that is girls are different to guys, and our approachs will most always be different). But not dumb.
Stand up for yourself, let the world admire you.

Aussie Chick
Saturday, May 15, 2004


" he accused me of....being overly careful"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,120041,00.html

And this is what sometimes happens when people aren't "overly careful".

Mark Hoffman
Saturday, May 15, 2004

The most important thing you can learn, especially if you want to spend time in online forums, is not to derive your self-worth from what others say about you. That kind of thing works well enough when you can surround yourself with friends, but it's a house of cards when you're forced into the presence of people who don't know or like you - then their hatred/dislike/assholiness flows through the exact same pathways straight into your ego and tear you up.

If you are an intelligent person, you know your own value. You know what sets you apart from others, what makes you a person worth knowing. Evaluate yourself objectively instead of in the subjective light of what one person says.

You can also do some weighted analysis - if a lot of people generally like you and two or three don't, you might think about the possibility that you aren't the one with the problem. (Conversely, if you keep hearing the same negative stuff from everyone, you may want to do some self-examination; maybe you *are* the asshole. ;-) )

"In his state of anger and exasperation (not at all deserved, in my opinion) he accused me of not having a deep understanding, of being overly careful, and not getting projects done fast enough."

[shrug] Any full-time manager who says this to a subordinate is projecting - he has problems, not you. A *good* boss would give you constructive criticism, like "Hey, I was looking at your latest code, and it seems like this part here may have problems with [x]" or "I understand your desire to run every possible test case, but I don't think you need to validate the West Virginia online driving test application against hebrew fonts..." and so on...

As for not getting projects done fast enough - the only developers whose managers don't think that are dead.

Hope this helps.
BTW, if you want to see what real personal abuse looks like, check out the "(spoilers)" thread just below this one.

Philo

The Real Philo
Saturday, May 15, 2004

"BTW, if you want to see what real personal abuse looks like, check out the "(spoilers)" thread just below this one."

That thread is absolutely hilarious, and whoever is contributing the pearls has a great sense of wit and parody. I don't think it was derogatory in anything other than a endearing manner.

.
Sunday, May 16, 2004

You have a habit of hiding your intelligence?

This is almost certainly not the place to say this, but I am going to anyway: *never* pretend to be worse than you are. I have no respect for the handful of women I know who act dumb. I hate it when people pretend to be someone they're not. I understand your position somewhat, but have no sympathy. You can do better than that; you should do so.

And your boss is an ass. So is mine. So is most people's. Start looking for another job and deal.

Anon to protect the guilty
Sunday, May 16, 2004

Only really stupid guys are intimidated by smart women.

I'm scared of stupid women. Especially those who can work them self into emotinal frenzies and think that what they feel constitutes proof of them being right. Scary.

I've had bad experiences.

Eric Debois
Sunday, May 16, 2004

I think the clue is in the lack of space between paragraphs of the OP.

Graphically it shows the spillage of all that angst in one stream of connected thoughts that are all mostly about lack of self worth.

The brain is one place we make thinking so, being so.  Which is not to say that some variation on 'pull your socks up' will do any good.  Instead, I might suggest thinking about something other than yourself and work, especially at the weekend.  Find some entirely pointless but pleasurable activity.

And when Monday comes around remember whatever reason you think you still have a job (and believe me anyone might be replaceable by someone better including your boss), the important fact is that you still have a job and that you can excel in any one of a number of ways in that job on that Monday.

So far as your boss is concerned whatever mistake you made, however costly or heinous will be largely forgotten especially when he notices something you did well.

We all screw up, I'm good at what I do, because I screw up.

Simon Lucy
Sunday, May 16, 2004

I would not say that I pretend to be stupid. I just have a habit of being more concerned with being liked, and being afraid of envy. Of course anyone who is good at anything will be envied by someone. In conversations, I am more likely to listen and encourage the other person to talk. People are not generally interested in what I am interested in, so I am not in the habit of showing off what I know. I know a lot, but it isn't necessarily detailed technical stuff. I mean, I learn whatever of that stuff I need to know, but it is no longer how I spend my free time. The smart guys in the office can generate impressive streams of technical knowledge that does not stop as long as someone seems to be listening. I can't do that, or at least I never learned how.
[space between paragraphs]
But I do have to get rid of the idea that men will hate me if I'm smart. I am not putting on a dumb act, I'm just not putting on a smart act. I know how to, having been through graduate school and observed all the upper class superior-acting students and professors. I did not grow up in an upper class highly educated environment and my brains are entirely self-made. I guess you could say my personality is down to earth and unpretentious.
[space between paragraphs]
I will not try to prove myself by working faster and getting all stressed. If my boss is angry at me for being overly careful imagine how angry he'll get if I become careless. One thing I believe will help is speakiing slowly and leaving spaces between the sentences (as you see I now have spaces between the paragraphs, and that's a start). My habit is to think out loud and thereby generate a certain amount of random nonsense. I have noticed that smart people don't do this. If they talk fast, it's about things they know well so there is not much chance of generating nonsense. They constantly briing the subject back around to things they know well, so as to never look stupid.
[space between paragraphs]
My personal belief is that all human beings are ignorant of almost everything. The difference between the smartest and the dumbest is not all that great. I don't feel a reason to feel or act superior. But I do work in an environment where there are several guys, includiing my boss, who perceive themselves as geniuses (and I'm not saying they aren't geniuses, in their own ways). Some of them really look down their noses.

Mauron
Sunday, May 16, 2004

Dear Mauron, there are actually different ways by which people address problems.

Some people consider all the possible solutions, or a reasonable subset, and then converge towards the best solution. To a certain type of person, this can look like the subject lacks confidence, which is not the case at all.

Other approaches are to quickly select one solution and invest all effort in that solution, even to the extent of defending it if later events reveal problems.

Smart people tend to use the first approach.

.
Sunday, May 16, 2004

My point is that maybe your way of approaching problems resembles the first, and your boss the second. This will naturally create conflict if your boss is inexperienced.

.
Sunday, May 16, 2004

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