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Advice for an inexpert

My boyfriend has a lying problem.

I constantly catch him in stupid little fibs. For instance, he'll tell me he's going out for coffee with his buddy, but I'll find out they were actually at a bar. Or he'll claim to have been to a place like Hawaii, and I later learn it was a complete fabrication. I'd love to trust him, but I'm constantly surprised by these pointless falsehoods.

How can I put an end to his horrible habit?

Depressed girl
Saturday, February 21, 2004

That depends. Is he hot?

Joel Spolsky
Fog Creek Software
Saturday, February 21, 2004

I'm a little like your boyfriend I guess, although maybe not as bad. I'll tell my girlfriend I didn't get too drunk, when in truth I could hardly move. She always finds out.

The reason I didn't tell her though was because I was scared of her reaction if she knew the truth. I didn't plan to get drunk, but when did I didn't want to tell her because her fathers an alcoholic and she hates him, and I was scared I would lose her for it.

She realized this was the reason though, and made it clear that no matter what I do she'll always love me, but I shouldn't lie about it because it makes things worse. Now if I do something like that, I know I can tell her the truth and not be scared of her reaction. If I lie about it she'll paper cut me on the willy.

Maybe you should think about why hes lying to you, rather than being angry that he is. He could be insecure that hes not good enough for you if hes telling you things like Hawaii. He could want to go to the bar with his friend but be too scared of your reaction to tell you the truth, and scared of hurting his friend if he doesn't go.

Paul S
Saturday, February 21, 2004

"That depends. Is he hot? "

Bwah ha ha ha ha.  Leave it to Joel to immediately break a situation down to it's bottom line.  ;)

Norrick
Saturday, February 21, 2004

No, the bottom line is:
1. Is he hot-looking?
2. How is he in bed?

:-)

Fred
Sunday, February 22, 2004

A wise man once said something like, "you can take a man out of the habit, but you can't take the habit out of the man."

I'm not exactly sure what this means, but maybe it will help?

Anonymous
Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Whereas you can get a nun out of her habit but it is mighty difficult to pull a habit out of a nun.

david
Wednesday, February 25, 2004

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